Epiphany

This may be my vodka-infused Red Bull talking but hey, the truth comes out when ur f'd up, right?

So, I think I figured out what I wanna do with my life. And how. Kinda.

I got to thinking about what I like and what I want. I LOVE singing. It's therapeutic, its cathartic, its...wonderful. It frees my soul. I like writing. Getting the things outta my head and into a tangible being in front of me connects me, just in general with whatever (that probably made NO sense). I like modeling; that first time on the ZPhiB runway bit me like a malaria infested mosquito. I like editing, and film, and videos, and film, and ACTING, and all of these entertainment based things. Alright.

I AM talented. I CAN sing. I CAN edit, write, probably direct, and creativity shits itself outta my brain at times. Mud butt style. So, I just need a game plan. I think I need to get off my ass (figuratively) and go do the things I've been putting off for years. I need to different beats and write to them. When people ask me to sing I need to do it. When a film project comes up I need to do whatever I can, however I can. SO , my bass ackwards thinking makes me wanna do two things simultaneously (so there will be know transition and wonder or criticism at my abilities, don't have time for that). I need to be a singer AND a director. BOTH. It is possible. I figure I should get my shit musically together and then direct and edit any video footage (music videos included) involved. Now, after these two are under my belt I can easily branch off into modeling, design (clothes or damn near whatever), film, writing books, acting, damn near anything that makes me happy.

This (pseudo) plan makes me happy.

I just need to take care of getting outta school and my debts and then work it (some at the same time). I can do it. I know I can. I've achieved every and anything that I've seriously put my mind to so there's no reason I can't do this as well. I'm smart and good at getting the right people around me to push and inspire me and that mean me well.

I can do it.

About today:

Rode all the way to glorious Cherokee County. I can't wait for the day when I'll NEVER have to do that again. Stopped by the storage unit and got all of our crap out of it. Moved about half of it into the house and decided to finish tomorrow when the neighbor tried to rob us. Okay, so iono what the hell he was doing but he had a flashlight and we heard something fall. We decided that whatever was left on the truck was less important than our lives or the rest of the stuff in the house and came on in. Getting up in the morning to finish. Also to pull the fridge up. Been living without one for a coupla months now and while its doable (going to the store only when food is wanted isn't such a bad daily trip), it sucks to not be able to buy the cheap gallon of ice cream because it'll turn to foam in the dorm fridge freezer. Or lots of meat to freeze. Or lots of juice. Okay, so it does kinda suck a lot.

Straightened my hair today and it finally turned out how I wanted it to. Now I don't have to get a relaxer. I just really want to ability to have straight hair when I want it, but I like my cute curly afro and I'm not completely ready to get rid of it yet. Wanted to take a pic but it looked pretty ponytail all day. Maybe tomorrow.

Mom's getting an operation on her jaw tomorrow. I hope it goes well. Dad's prolly still drunk. I know I should care a little bit more than I seem to, and I think I do, but I've been so put-off by their behavior that its hard to see past it. These are my frickin parents, they need to act like it. And I tried the good daughter act. There's only one of me and I'm still in school making almost $0. They need to step it up. Or leave me alone and out of it. I guess its good that my dad DOES have employment so we'll see how that goes.

I got work to do. G'Night.