The End

2008 is almost over. I find myself thinking of all of the things that happened this year, some of which I wont fully disclose cuz, well, ya'll don't need to be in ma bidness like that. Anyway some of what I can remember of the Good, Bad, and Ugly of 2008:

Ugly (I'll start here and leave it on a positive note):

1. Ended up in a place I never wanted to be for a couple of days. It wasn't all that bad, but I never wanna go there again. Big shout out to my baby, dad, and anyone else who SINCERELY tried to help me in that situation.

2. My suicidal thoughts got to be the worst I'd ever experienced them...ever. I'm glad I had someone there to help me work them out because they left me in tears more than once and more than once while driving, not a good look.

3. Kicking mom out of the house was pretty hard on me. I KNOW she was already on her way out the door just like I KNOW it wasn't my fault as well as I KNOW she didn't need to be living with me being the way she is, but I still took it a lot harder than I thought I would, which is probably why I never fully got the balls to do it, and ultimately wasn't the one who made it happen. It didn't sit right with me for a while and I knew it looked bad on my "Honor thy mother" meter, but honestly, it wasn't working and wasn't going to. I grew up somewhere and she didn't notice. Not that me being grown mattered, she just needs to live by herself somewhere where she can make her own decisions and be the boss of herself .

Bad:

1. Untrustworthy bitches and nasty gutter-butt trollops. Unfortunately I finally had a good run-in with both of these unsavory characters, but I did learn some more about the nature of humans. I always knew that everyone wasn't trustworthy or nice, but I got to experience it first hand. Even though the ones I met in the untrustworthy bitch category weren't all that bad (to me), I'm glad I pulled out when I did before it got bad and I woulda had to beat a bitch in the parking lot. As far as the nasty gutter-butt trollop(s), eat a AIDS dick. Oh wait, you probably already have...

2. My apartment. I wouldn't call it ugly just because its a great character building tool. I now know what its like to live in this type of situation, I'll be a better person for making it through it, and I don't ever wanna do it again, but if I have to, I'll be ready. Its not the worst place in the world, it does have walls and a roof (which only serve to block the wind) but it has many faults and I will definitely work on not making snap judgements when it comes to such permanent areas of life. i mean, the reasons I made the decision and moved here were of very good intentions, but when they fell through I realized I'd have to endure hell for no reason, which was just bad. I've donegreat on the apartment search before...money was part of this problem and communication was another. These (at least the communication one) should be MUCH better next time around.

Good:

1. My relationships. The beau and I are pushing through and I still love him very much. We have our occaisional issues, but who doesn't? He has taught me many things since I've been with him and I've grown a lot as a person because of it. I've even gotten better in the "standing up for myself" category because of him. He has shown me a lot of things that other people fought to make me see, like that I do deserve respect and I am allowed to tell someone when I don't like something. I am allowed to be mad, and what I'm mad about is important. And he makes me happy!

I started getting back on track with my friends. I kinda fell off (which happens now and then) and I needed to get back to the people who've always been there. I missed my girls and I've been through too much with some of them to just let their friendships fall away. I finally realized I'd have to put more into it than I was if I was going to have something meaningful, so I've been trying to put in and not be a complete hermit. I love ya'll though. Ya'll know more about me than a lot of people and have seen me at my worst and best. You know how to cheer me up when I need it and what to say when I'm going through something and I hope I do the same for you or you at least know that I can.


There's probably some more that should go up there, but I'm drawing blanks now. There are less things in the good category, as usual, but the things there mean a WHOLE lot more than the rest, so it pretty much balances out and even tips to the good a lot of the time. Anyway, I'm gonna celebrate the end of 2008 with lotf of fajitas and margaritas and tequila, so I plan on having fun and I hope everyone else does as well!