Been Gone

Been busy getting my life together and asserting my grownness by acting like the teenager I was being treated like and such. I actually started a post about my mother and myself, but its on pause right now. I'll finish it and post it another day. I also have a little load of posts that I need to write in the Things I've Learned category. Guess I'll get to those soon. Its really weird, but it's hard to keep up with stuff I want to do when I don't have deadlines and people waiting on me to finish something. Right now its all me. I have to motivate myself to get on it. Ugh.

I'm really glad to be writing stuff again...I think I missed getting my thoughts and feelings out. I *might* even start reading stuff in front of people. Its something I've always wanted to do, but my good old buddy stage fright likes to put cotton in my throat when I get ready to speak in front of people. We'll see what happens, but I sit here and often think that its a shame that I have the talents I have (however they actually measure up) and I wont share them with anyone. I suck.

But for real tho...I do need to let what's in me out.

I have been mad at myself for like 2 days because I did the touch up relaxer. Mad. I want locs, NOW. Or at least my natural hair back...I think I'm going to have to go for some micros or twists that will last me for a while the stuff underneath grows on out. I went 1.5 years the last time, and it got pretty awesome. I think I may got a year or so and then start locking it up. Oooo, maybe I should get loc extensions...that might work...

I heard something tonight that stuck with me. So recently, I've been listening to "I Fly Above" and "Ego" religiously...but even though I feel like the words apply directly to me, they haven't really been sinking in. Tonight it was "I know I'm an asshole because everybody keeps telling me I am...". So I thought about it a little bit. Everyone keeps telling me I'm talented (with writing, singing, piano, etc). Everyone keeps telling me I'm beautiful, strong, sexy...all the things I wish to be. I'm a freaking duck (you know, that walks/talks/sounds like a duck thing) who thinks she's a rock or something. I need to get over that, QUICK. I need to believe in what these people say about me and in myself. Once I do, watch out world...

The damn Partridge Family got a song stuck in my head...